Last chapter the kiddos got settled in from University and Rhyan aged into an elder.
This chapter, Diago becomes a pro gardener with fancy invention his great-great-great grandpa made and no one has ever used.
Just kidding it made him puke. It went back into the family inventory to rot.
Diago: Grandpa Eli WHYYY!
*POOF*
Now we’re in France. Don’t you love my transitions?
Diago: So you dropped something in a hole? In the middle of nowhere? Is the hole just somewhere on the lot?
Jeannine: More like under the lot…
Diago: In like, a wine cellar?
Jeannine: I’ll tell you this just because I like you. It’s a dungeon.
Jeannine: And the item might be a potted plant.
Diago: ???
So off we went to the dungeon.
Diago: We should have brought mom to clear all of this crap.
Or you could have worked on your athletic skill when you had the chance.
What skill are you learning from standing there?
Melisa: The sit and look pretty one.
Melisa: That got boring fast. I’m just gonna check facebook real quick.
Melisa continues to follow Diago around his first adventure in France. Eating coffee beans raw.
What an animal.
So that’s what she was waiting for.
Melisa: Alrighty, I’ll be heading out now.
Diago: Try not to set off any traps on your way out.
Diago: Now what?
Diago: So young…
The tombstone says he died at age 99…
Diago: Taken from us too early! With so much potential!
Whose even buried here?
Diago: No idea, I was hoping it would open a door.
Diago: Wait a second… That is the hole she dropped a potted plant into? Why would that lady even be down here?
Maybe that’s her ex husband buried back there.
Diago: It’s a baseball. It’s not even a plant. Why would she lie about that?
Diago: So, I got your baseball. It’s not even signed so I’m not sure why you couldn’t just buy a new one. Why did you say it was a potted plant?
Jeannine: Do you see these cans? Do you know what they are?
Diago: No?
Jeannine: Yea, maybe you should buy some.
Melisa was spending her spare time playing guitar for tips for the tourists and writing her non-fiction books.
But that got pretty boring so I decided to send her on an adventure of her own.
She went and introduced herself and then I never completed it because I got distracted with Diago LOL. It’s the thought that counts.
Diago: You look like a literal demon. What the hell is wrong with your eyes.
Woman: Get out.
Diago: Damn girl, learn how to take some constructive criticism.
Woman: Did you bring flowers?
Diago: Eh, no? But I can go buy some if you want?
Work for that opportunity. We don’t want a redo of the last situation.
That looks incredibly dangerous.
Diago: What do you mean? I can see a solid 5 feet ahead of me at all times.
Now… this tomb is the longest running embarrassment. I have spent a lot of time playing World Adventures in the 11 years it has been out. (11 year WTF??) But I haven’t really played in France and I certainly haven’t played this tomb before. That’s my excuse for almost killing Diago.
It started off well. These traps were super easy to turn off! I was feeling confident.
Then this happened.
And again.
And I tried to turn them off but couldn’t.
So we tried a different path, but the only thing in this chest was some wine.
Diago: I’m not sure that I want to be an adventurer anymore.
But! We made it out of these traps!
And then this happened… AGAIN.
And at this point, I felt pretty bad. And also dumb. This entire place was full of traps and ALL OF THE TRAPS we’re unable to be turned off.
Melisa: You remember those cans you were telling my boyfriend about? Yea, we are in serious need of some of those.
Jeannine: Stupid tourists never listen.
Melisa acted as an Uber Eats driver and delivered the shower in a can to Diago. I thought, “This is it. Now we will finish this tomb.”
WRONG. It’s just abuse at this point.
Diago: If I die here, what’s the plan? I’m an only child with no kids and my parents are elders. What would happen, the legacy would just end?
Let’s not think about that right now.
Diago: I don’t want to die. More than anything I don’t want to be another dead body in one of these stupid tombs that travelers cry at in hopes of triggering a hidden doorway.
You made it!
Diago: I did?
Diago: Of course I did. Silly me.
My stupidity continues. I thought maybe Diago wasn’t a high enough handiness level to disarm the traps, so I had him tinker with this poor, unsuspecting tomb toilet.
And it didn’t help.
Diago: Guess who isn’t surprised.
Finally, after hours of trying to do this by myself and almost getting my heir killed multiple times, I gave up and looked up the answer.
And felt like an idiot because it was so easy.
The last room was defeated with the power of pop.
And the Lemons win again!
Diago: Win? Cheating doesn’t count.
Lady: You’ve retrieved the file! Great! Do you want to go for dinner?
Diago: This is awkward. I can see my girlfriend through the window and if I were you I would abstain from any sudden movements. It might be too late.
Diago: You want me to look around the museum because…
Man: It could be haunted.
Diago: Haunted. Right. And you’re going to pay me for this?
Man: Of course!
Diago: Then call me the ghostbusers, I’m on the case.
HAH, just kidding. We took a break from the museum tomb to look at this guys house which has a door that only opens from the inside.
And of course the first thing that happens is his wife starts hitting on Diago. Just walk away buddy.
Diago: This basement is almost totally normal if you ignore the dungeon door leading to an unknown place, most likely a grave site if we have learned anything.
So Diago pushed around some sculptures.
And flicked some switches.
And stuck is hand into some unknown holes.
Diago: No baseballs in here.
Diago: I freaking knew it.
Diago: A grave. What did I tell you?
And the unopenable door is finally unlocked. Great, now the family can go visit the unknown dead person.
But before this tomb is cleared, a random hidden door lead to… wtf is this?
Diago: Not sure why it’s here but I do know it’s way cooler then the rest of the tombs in France.
He just had to check the sarcophagus.
Diago: Empty. Booooring!
Diago: So, there’s a dead body in your shed.
Man: So that’s where they put grandma!
Now back to the museum mystery.
This guy is an absolute wacko.
Man: My wife!
Said wife decided to bicker about Diago’s fitness level after heart farting him. That’s an interesting flirt strategy.
Diago: Back off lady.
Diago: And ew. What’s up with those shoes?
Lady: No need to be rude-
Diago: Talk to the hand cuz the face isn’t home.
*5 mins later*
Lady: My husband is such a pushover! He thinks he’s important to the museum, but they only pity him.
Diago: Heheheh!
Man: 😦
Time to solve this museum mystery!
Diago: It surely involves murder.
The damn townies wont stop calling Diago about dates. Leave the man alone, he’s busy exploring.
Diago: A dead body. It’s always a dead body.
Diago: But before we leave… you know I have to check.
*sigh*
Diago: Just gold. Dangit, where are the mummies?!
In Egypt where they belong.
WAIT! I found one!
Pharaoh: No sir please!
No mercy!
And of course, Diago had to sleep on the street corner before heading home.
On Diago’s first trip to France, he finished three out of five tombs. Next time he visits, he should be done with France!
Life's Lemons 