5.9 Beach Bums (Literally)

Hello friends! I’m back with a new chapter! Now, let’s see if I can actually finish it in a reasonable amount of time or not.

What a beautiful day to go to the beach. Where grown men lounge totally clothed.

And hobos with pony tails reside.

On second thought, maybe I shouldn’t send the family here.

Elise: Too late, no take backs!

I find it extremely strange that you showed up in a suit.

Harry: No days off.

At least he is embodying his new role of stay-at-home father. Takes the kids to the beach and makes hot dogs? I think this is the most fatherly thing we’ve ever seen you do.

Stranger: THAT’S A CUTE KID!

Willow: Now Remy, remember, creepy strangers don’t only reside on the internet. Sometimes they live at your local cockroach infested beach!

Alannis: I’m so tired that I’m hallucinating you wearing a track suit in the ocean! How silly!

Elise: Silly? You’re the silly one. Do you know how many flesh eating slugs inhabit these waters?

Alannis: You watch too many horror films.

Elise: I fear for your life.

Willow: 😉

I hate you and I’m never letting you leave the house again.

I’m confused, whose teach who to walk?

Willow: My legs are jelly, send help.

Alaric: Did you see that??

Elise: No, what?

Alaric: That thing in the sky, I think it’s coming-

*SPLAT*

Alaric: Okay, good one.

Elise: Gotcha goose boy.

Alannis: I’m stinky, I’m tired, and I’m ready to go home.

At least you didn’t get attacked by flesh eating slugs.

Alannis: Yep, at least there’s that.

And then Alannis died.

Just kidding.

Alaric: Sadly.

Alannis: Listen uncle, if you accidentally mailed something here mom’s already sold it.

Waylon: Are you sure? Can’t you ask her at least?

Alaric: Why, so she can lie to us?

Alannis: We live in an abusive household.

Oh great, it’s another vampire child.

This one has some horrible face disfigurement.

AHAHAHAHA just kidding she’s actually just the child of Satan.

Kimberly: I have been sent to capture the souls of your children.

And after that wonderful trek into the world of nightmares, here she is fully healed of her… face thing.

Kimberly: Thank you for your assistance. Now, where do your children reside?

Should I kick her out?

Rhyan: Hello friendly stranger! Have you come to play with me?

Kimberly: Indeed I have… hahaWUAHAHAHA

Rhyan: … Cool!

Rhyan: *Is the most adorable thing in existance*

Kimberly: Yes, give me your innocence.

Kimberly: HAH!

Rhyan: *GHASP*

Kimberly: That will teach you. Trust no one.

Rhyan: AHHHH!

Kimberly: HOLY SHIT MAKE IT SHUT UP!

How are you gonna steal candy from a baby and then complain when it cries??

Alannis: I’m so happy you’re my sister.

Elise: What happened to that girl you invited over?

Alannis: Eh, who knows.

Wow you guys are GREAT sisters.

Alaric, go check on your baby siblings?

Alaric: I’d rather not.

You’re all useless.

 

Alaric: Hello police lady, I have a request to make.

Bianca: Sure kid!

Alaric: It is my dream to have a law enforcement agent read my a bedtime story in my sister’s room. Would you please oblige?

Little does she know she might be arresting this troublemaker in a few years time.

Okay Alaric, why do you have a thing for older blonde women? Aren’t you a little too young to be a seducer?

Alaric: Some might say.

Don’t worry guys, soon enough the toddlers will age up and do something interesting other than just looking cute.

But for now, they do this. And I’m okay with that.

Alannis: Snow cone time? Can someone say best day ever?

Alaric: MONEY CONTROLS THE WORLD!

A few things. One, why are you still in your pajamas. And two, please stop being a freaking weirdo for ONE DAMN SECOND.

Alannis: Am I too young for instagram? Because this would make a lit post.

LOL! She’s looking at that snow cone like its the hottest guy in school.

Alannis: I’m in love.

Harry: I’m here too!

Do something interesting and I will take more pictures of you, ya nub.

Elise: All I want on this glorious day is a cold cone of yellow to cool me down.

If you didn’t show up to the park in your snow gear you probably wouldn’t be so hot.

Elise: Are you trying to say my outfit of preference wasn’t fit for this occasion?

That is exactly what I’m saying.

I hate birthday’s in this game. I invited SO MANY people to this party, and guess who shows up… EVERYONE THEY JUST DIDN’T BOTHER COMING TO THE CAKE LIKE EXCUSE ME.

Elise: I wish for unlimited snow cones!

That’s an easy one.

Elise: REALLY?

YOU’RE TOO BEAUTIFUL. STOP IT. YOU DAMN FACE CLONE.

Elise: Why are you always hating on my genetics bro?

OH, LOOK WHO DECIDES TO SHOW UP AFTER THE FREAKING FACT.

Willow: *Stares guests in the eyes and drops cake*

Willow: Big dick energy.

I can’t hate. I knew Elise was going to be perfect because she is literally her mother reincarnated.

Lisa and Waylon decided to get matching haircuts after they moved out together. Interesting.

Natasha: How old is your daughter? 22?

Willlow: Excuse me?

Willow: Man, aren’t I glad I threw your cake in the floor.

On her way home, Elise spotted a boy. So she did what ANY normal human would do, and got out of her taxi on the side of the road.

And I guess someone else had the same idea…

Elise: Something is amiss here.

Elise: SOMEONE CALL MY MOM!

Zombie: BRAINSSS! YOUNG TEEN BRAINS!

Elise: NO THANKS!

Zombie: No wait!

Tammi: I don’t know how we’ve kept this legacy alive this long.

Dixie: Shut up and go cook me some lobster. I have a serious craving right now.

HEY! No choking yourself in the bathroom!

Elise: THERE’S SOMEONE ELSE IN MY HEAD.

It’s official, you have brain damage.

HEY GUYS! I actually did it, I finished a chapter in one sitting! It’s a MIRACLE. I have a few more chapter lined up and then I can get back in game! I stopped playing because I was so close to the heir poll, so hopefully we can be onto generation 6 before February ends. Hope you enjoyed these chapters! Have a great weekend!