5.5 Finally Progress!

Do you ever play so far ahead so quickly that you realize all at once that it is almost time for the heir poll in game but you’re not even halfway through the Generation via chapters? Well if you haven’t, let me tell you what it feels like.

Not good.

Okay, now what the hell do we have here? A beautiful couple posing in front of a gorgeous backdrop?

OH! It’s a wedding!

Paparazzi: I lurve weddings!

Hey, get out of here!

I would tell you the picture spam is over… but I’m pretty sure there’s more to come.

Sarah: I wish you would have put this much effort into my wedding.

Uh… listen here, asshole! Your wedding was- where’s Willow?

Willow: It’s freezing cold outside and you decided to have an outdoor wedding. Then you gave me a wedding dress with no sleeves or back. I’m going to sit in here for a while.

Fair enough.

I guess that leaves it to you guys to greet the guests!

Waylon: Wut.

Peach: I’m only here to impress the new Emperor, okay? Don’t get it twisted.

Matthew: Where’s the alcohol?

Harry: Who invited that guy?

Morrigan: Hey boss!

Sarah: This is awkward.

Why, because you tried to flirt with her husband in her house when she wasn’t home and now she’s pregnant?

Speak of the devil.

Sarah: Wogan.

Wogan: Sarah.

Girl: Oh my, is someone reeking of sexual tension or is that just me?

Willow: Alright mom, stop flirting with your employees at my wedding.

Sarah: Yea, whatever.

Poor Waylon had no time to enjoy the party. I just made him do all of the dirty work, including the photography.

Waylon: And to think I won’t even get my own wedding.

Harry: Who invited all of the bloodsuckers?

Willow: Mom has a thing for them. Or for one of them. I don’t know.

As usual, most people struggled to find a seat.

Maximus: Someone spilt something on this one.

THEN SIT SOMEWHERE ELSE.

Willow: Can we get this over with already?

Harry: Ditto.

Willow: I think I’m about to freeze into a popsicle out here.

Harry: I hope we have a big fancy dinner.

Willow: Don’t hold your breath, I’m running home after this.

I picked a pretty awesome wedding venue, if I do say so myself.

Waylon: Mom, please just sit down.

Your mother is senile.

I now pronounce you, cult leader and husband!

Willow: How sweet. Can we go inside now?

LOL nope. I put your wedding cake and food outside because I apparently hate you.

Willow: I think my face is frozen this way.

Harry: As the Italian’s say… bon appetit!

And after the cake, there was only one more thing Willow wanted to do before going home.

Willow: PLEASE set the venue on fire. PLEASE. Kill the little twix over there.

No fire ensued. I had a bunch of stuff set out for them to do, but as stated earlier, I didn’t think the cold weather through so Harry snuck off to go home before I even realized he had left. And then Sarah had to go to work… so the whole party was disbanded. Yay!

Harry: Since we didn’t get to go on a honeymoon I thought the house would at least be clean when we got back.

Harry: Cool! I am now officially a matriarch!

Just don’t electrocute yourself the day after becoming a matriarch. Because I will be EXTREMELY upset.

Willow: I’m a housewife now. Can I quit my job?

STOP rolling wishes to quit your job. It ain’t happening.

Willow: A disco ball would have been really cool, wouldn’t it. Overlord, why didn’t we have a disco ball at my wedding?

Waylon: Will you go bother someone else for a while?

Willow: Oh Jesus. Maybe I shouldn’t have ate that super old birthday cake.

Willow: *barfs in mouth*

Waylon: Okay, SERIOUSLY? Will you NOT throw up on me please?

We now turn to this beautiful, spotless, porcelain throne-

Urgh, nevermind. Do you have to run everything today?

At least we got these portraits!

Speaking of, I’m an idiot who forgot to take a picture of Lincoln. So we are just missing a heir, I guess. Rip.

Willow: I wish I had the eternal red glow of an evil emperor.

Sarah: Back off sweetie, you’ll never be as evil as me.

Harry: Why is it telemarketing legal? IT’S 5 AM JANET, I DON’T WANT YOUR INSURANCE.

Willow autonomously went outside to stroke Harry’s face. I think he’s as confused as I am.

Then I realized Harry’s next chess component was a busy lady. It all makes sense now.

Willow: Just had to lay claim to my property.

Harry: Property?

Harry: Do you think it’s sweet to call your husband “property’?

Jun: Sweet? Is your wife a cult leader? Lolz.

Harry: 😮

Willow: I just got married and now I’m pregnant! I really am a housewife!

Sarah: What’s next, yetis take over the world?

Willow: Mom, I have something to tell you. I’m pregnant!

Sarah: Whaaat!? That’s crazy! It’s not like I was just in the hallway when you announced that out loud!

Willow: Hey vampire man! I’m pregnant!

Valdimir: I’m here for the cult.

Oh geez Willow. You’re attracting some weird types.

Waylon: Can you believe the overlord has been writing this chapter for 4 hours now?

I’m having serious writer’s block, okay?!?!?

Waylon: Are you seriously allowed to use my area code to trick me into answering the phone??? I DON’T WANT YOUR DAMN INSURANCE.

Before his last chess opponent could even leave, I had Harry call in the next. It just happened to be his best friend and ex-roomate, Alexy!

Alexy: You really shouldn’t have moved here, man. I swear I can hear a weird voice coming out of the walls.

Willow seems to be more interested in this pregnancy than I thought she would be. I sent her to the library to read a book for work and she rolled a wish to read a pregnancy book.

Jun: So you wanna make out now?

Waylon: Ew, no! I have a girlfriend!

Jun: Why would you lead me on like that?

Waylon: How is that leading you on?! Guys can’t be friends with girls anymore? Geez, get out of my house!

Willow: You look so fancifully boring. Like the Mona Lisa.

Alexy: Is that a compliment?

Willow: Babe, we’re going to have to buy a teddy bear.

Harry: Actually, I’ve learned to sleep without one.

Willow: No silly, not for you. For our baby! I’m pregnant!

Harry: BABY? PREGNANT?

I can’t tell if he is happy surprised or just confused.

Willow seems to young to be pregnant. Her generation flew by quickly.

Willow: We just bought this stupid thing. Is there not a year warranty on it?

Nope, and since your a pregnant sim immune to death, it’s up to you to fix it.

Willow: *Chokes on bagel*

HEY. I said immune to death.

Bianca: OH MY GOD. IT’S THE EMPEROR OF EVIL. RUN, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Willow: That’s my mother you’re talking about.

Bianca: You people are INSANE. Wait until the chess community hears about this! You’ll never reach chess legend, Harry Lemons!

Sarah: Looks like you’re going to have to focus on your job more. Someone just put you out of the chess-playing business.

Harry: There will always be brave souls willing to risk their life to play a chess master.

Tammi: These inventions are just magnificent.

Link: Will you two move. It’s someone else’s turn.

Willow: Forget about those stupid pieces of scrap, can I give you a free reading dad? I can see into the future you know.

Link: Hmm

Link: No thanks, that sounds like a scam.

LOL. Even your dummy father can see through your lies.

Since Lincoln wasn’t willing, poor Sarah had to suffer.

Sarah: You can’t cut me any slack, can you old man?

Niall: Who are you talking to? Lincoln left ages ago.

Willow: go figure.

Willow: I’m going into labor! Help! Bring me to the hospital!

Niall: No thanks, I’m too tired to deal with this.

Sarah: *Spins on heels*

Willow: Mom, you sly little fox you.

Sarah: Have fun giving birth.

Willow: This sucks butt. Where did everyone go?

I think they were tired of your screaming.

Welcome Generation 6! Elise Lemons, Loves the Heat and Artistic.

Her favorite color is pink, by the way.

Harry: You’re not so bad.

You slept through her birth, do you feel bad?

Harry: What was I supposed to do, stand beside of Willow and scream?

Willow has been a mother all of 30 minutes and she’s already drinking.

Willow: I just gave birth to a baby in my living room, totally alone. I think I deserve a drink.

Wow guys! I’m sorry this chapter is so late. I have been writing it for a week. I suck, I know. I hope you enjoyed it! And happy late Thanksgiving to any Americans reading!