5.2 Vote Corrupt!

Hello friends! I am supposed to be studying for upcoming exams, but instead I spent my day playing Animal Crossing and writing this chapter! Anyways, it’s totally the systems fault that if I fail! Oh, the life of a college student.

Last chapter… Uh, what happened? Cue me writing about stuff that hasn’t even happened yet and coming back halfway through the chapter to delete this recap. The family moved to Birdgeport! Zack completed his LTW! That’s it!

The family has once again taken to haunting the new homestead.

Prisha: There’s so much room for floating in here!

Speaking of room, for some reason the last house had so many route fails. This one is much MUCH better. I forgot how much more enjoyable the game is when sims can get from the kitchen to the bathroom in three hours without pissing themselves.

Sasha: CURSE YOU, UGLY END TABLE!

Don’t be mad because you don’t have a room in the new house.

Sasha: I LITERALLY burned to death, don’t tell me how to feel!

Waylon’s decided to take up drinking as a past time.

Waylon: This is JUICE. It’s HEALTHY.

I’m not asking any questions. Continue on with your bunny slippers and alcohol.

Max: Is mommy coming to my birthday?

Sarah: NO. Will you stop asking about your mom now? Sheesh.

Max: Me get cake?

Sarah: Yea, I guess so.

Don’t let her fool you. She loves this little nugget. She rolls tons of wishes for him, even when they move out.

Willow: Excuse you, this table is reserved for children of the heiress. AKA, not you.

Zack: I’m still orange!

Natasha: I’m still pregnant!

Willow: You’re still getting kicked out!

Cute little Maximus rolled Loser for his child trait. Which fits right in with his surroundings. See Willow, you guys were meant to be friends!

Willow: …

Zack: Do we have to leave?

Yes. I’m tired of seeing your darn face around here. Go live your life.

And as soon as they were gone, Natasha called Sarah. I guess she did like someone in this house.

Wait, wtf? You’re just gonna chill at Willow’s workplace?

Natasha: No I’m not trying to overthrow her so we can move back into the legacy house. Why would you even say that? Can’t you see how heavily pregnant and non-threatening I am?

That pattern actually triggered my gag reflex.

Willow: Really? I told her wearing that outfit would bring her luck and happiness!

Lady: I haven’t taken it off for three weeks!

Willow: It used to be green.

Natasha: What do you see?

Willow: WOW! So many things…

Willow: I see a brick house in your future…

Natasha: Really?

Willow: And many beautiful children!

Willow: Wait! That’s me!

Natasha: I hate you.

Willow: You owe me 20$.

This girl named Lisa invited Waylon over. So naturally he completely ignored her for his homework.

Waylon: What could we even talk about? My dead sister haunting my end table this morning?

You sure you aren’t even a LITTLE bisexual?

Willow: She’s too serious for me.

What are you laughing about?

Willow: Did she paint on that angry face or what?

Willow: Have you ever heard of Lincoln Lemons? He was my dad.

Bouncer: Never heard of ’em.

Willow: How about Zackary Lemons? Natasha Lemons? The Emperor of Evil, Sarah Lemons? Any one ring a bell?

Bouncer: And who are you?

Willow: Erm, well… I’m a psychic!

Bouncer: I guess you can go in.

Willow: I’m famous!

I don’t think that’s true.

Hey! Bartender is a cute woman. Sure you don’t like women?

Willow: Is it lady’s night or something?

Guy: Did someone say lady’s night?

Girl: *Sigh* Why did the bouncer let this guy in.

Willow: I’m just gonna chug this before I pass out.

Guy: Or will you chug it to pass out?

Willow: WTF?

I wouldn’t be worried. That vamp is your moms coworker. I don’t think she would let you be carried away by creepy grandpa… and she’s pretty cute. Are you sure-

Willow: WILL YOU SHUT UP.

WAIT! I found someone… interesting.

Bouncer: Sorry, we don’t let non-famous Harry’s in ugly suits in.

Harry: But.. but!

It was at this moment that the bar shut down for the night and everyone was kicked out into the street.

RANDOM INFORMATION NO ONE ASKED FOR BUT I’M GOING TO TELL YOU ANYWAYS

Because Harry was dressed in the weird floral suit Harry Styles is kind of known for rocking, I had to look up some dates and see if EA was wanting us to come to this conclusion, of if this was a total accident. One Direction was formed in July of 2010. Night Life came out in October of the same year. I would assume that the game was pretty much finished by then, and since Harry wasn’t even wearing his crazy suits back then, it is a total coincidence. OR EA can tell the future which seems much more plausible.

Outside we spotted a homeless man trying to make moves on an unfortunate lady.

Don’t worry, the lady vampire squad is on the case!

Willow: Can I be a part of the squad?

No. Your busy chasing down a man.

He is such a specimen.

Willow: Think he’s going to be creeped out that I followed him to his apartment?

Your cover is you just moved in.

Willow: It’s 4 am.

Willow: Hey I just moved in!

Harry: Really? I didn’t see a moving truck.

Willow: It’s outside right now! Yea, we are bringing in my stuff now!

Harry: Right…

Willow: Is he believing this?

If you weren’t so pretty I think he would have called the cops already.

Harry: Look it’s my friend coming from outside!

Willow: This is taking a turn.

Harry: Was there a moving truck outside?

Alexy: Bro, its 4 AM. Tone down on the cocaine.

Willow: But you know what I just realized? Our signs are compatible!

Harry: OMG! Finally someone who I can relate to on an astral level!

Alexy: Is this woman a cult leader?

Kinda?

Harry: What time is it? The sun is coming out. I should probably go to bed…

Willow: Sleep? What is sleep? Who needs sleep when you have this super cool machine that will make you feel good.

Yep, definitely a cult leader.

Willow: I need to know, if you didn’t vote for the circle party then we can’t be together.

Harry: Aren’t they known for being super corrupt?

Willow: DO YOU KNOW WHO MY MOTHER IS? Keep the corrupt in power, I say!

Harry: Isn’t it so weird that Alexy said you were part of a cult? He said your family lives in a huge house on the hill and only eats lemons.

Willow: That’s so ridiculous! We don’t ONLY eat lemons!

Oh, and by the way, Harry is SO CUTE AND WONDERFUL! And NO I will not be getting rid of his mustache when he moves in. It’s seriously fashionable.

Harry: Did you hear that? Who said I was moving in?

Willow: I should probably go home before I pass out.

Harry: I thought you were moving in?

Willow: Well, I was going to but whaddya know, the cult calls! See ya!

Made it back to the mad house I see.

Willow: Did I? I think I was sleep driving the entire time.

Awh. Well at least she’s taking her floor nap in style.

No, we’re not here just for the beautiful view.

Do you think he’s hiding in the bushes because he somehow lost the eyebrow extensions I gave to him? Accidentally fell off? Or PURPOSELY flushed down the toilet???

Harry: Hey cult girl!

Willow! Stop playing mindless mobile games and talk to your future baby daddy!

Harry: Hello?

Willow: Excuse me. I’m texting one of my clients about how the new moon is going to positively effect their lives. You know, since their zodiac is a Scorpio.

Harry: Did you just read that word for word off of cafe astrology?

Willow: No, and how dare you question my psychic abilities. I learned everything I know from internet gurus.

Willow: It’s raining! Now we can pretend we are in a romantic comedy!

Harry: Finally my dreams are coming true!

Willow: I just wanted to let you know that I am stinking rich. Like, super rich. You could quit your job right now if you wanted to.

Harry: Why could I quit my job because you’re rich?

Willow: Duh! Cuz I’m gonna support you baby! But before I can do that, can I have a few bucks for a pop out of the vending machine?

And that’s how Harry was tricked out of $4. That’s $2 more that Alphonso ever gave her.

Willow: I’m glad we didn’t stick with that frugal nerd.

Harry: It’s just like in the movies.

Willow: I didn’t expect it to be so.. sticky.

Willow: Since I now know you’re willing to give me money anytime I ask, how do you feel about being my boyfriend?

Willow: We can like, kiss and stuff.

Harry: This doesn’t mean I have to join the cult, right?

Willow: Ergh, uh, of course not!

And that’s how Harry was tricked into giving his life for the cause.

Harry: My what? Who is that?

Willow: YES! Screw you, Sasha! I always knew I could be the best heiress ever!

Will you stop beating a dead horse? I mean, LITERALLY. She’s DEAD BRO.

Sasha: She’s still a way shittier heiress than I would have been.

I’m staying out of this argument.

Sarah: I think it’s my turn to look at the spinning thingy now.

Link: Even in death, the nagging never ends.

Waylon: Is she supposed to look like that?

Nope, that’s a glitch and a half.

Tammi: Not only am I supposed to be opaque, but you also gave me the wrong hair. You bitch.

Oops. We can’t have glitchy-ass ghost in-laws running around in the wrong CC hair!

Tammi: Did you notice that the half wall is missing over there?

Waylon: Our Overlord is severely incompetent.

STOP TALKING SHIT.

Waylon: You’re still alive?

Dirk: And kicking, bitch. Now get out of my room so I can enjoy some peace to myself.

This is Zack and Natasha’s new house. I sent Sarah over because she rolled a ton of wishes for Max.

And- wait wtf. Is that their newborn baby? What the hell Zack???

Sarah: You poor child. He should probably come home with us.

Sarah: Isn’t that right, cute guy? What’s his name?

Shelby.

Sarah: Uhh, WTF x2 Zack? Did you give him that name so kids could make fun of him?

AHAHAHAHAHAHA-

Willow: What are you laughing at?

AHAHAA- WHAT ARE YOU WEARING???

Willow: This is my psychic outfit, duhhhh. Gotta protect my eyes from the crystal ball and all of the apparitions appearing around me.

You mean the lighting effects hidden around the “psychic table”?

Willow: Same difference.

I wish I knew what the actual outfits for this career looked like.

And after Sarah found a crib to place her new grandson into, she decided the only thing left to do was this.

Uh, what???

Willow: OMG am I a witch now???

NO?? Why does the game want you to be a supernatural so badly?

Willow: What kind of cult leader would I be without some kind of super cool power?

 

Willow: Hey boyfriend, you wanna kiss?

Harry: No thanks. Not right now.

Willow: WHAI?

Harry: Well don’t take this the wrong way, but your breath smells kinda… lemony.

Willow: What the frick, bro?

Harry: Hey, I’m just speaking the truth here.

After some conversing about the importance of drum circles to the cult life aesthetic, our two lovebirds were ready to try again.

 

Much better… NEVER BETRAY US AGAIN.

And then this idiot got stuck on nothing and had to be sent home.

Willow: Help! Quicksand!

DIXIE! How I’ve missed you.

Dixie: Fuck off, I’m trying to enjoy nature.

From inside the house, I see.

Dixie: Why did you get rid of all my stuff? Now I have to sleep on the cold, hard floor of the garage.

Willow: What? No you don’t. You can come sleep in my bed-

Dixie: GROSS.

So I bought Dixie a new bed. For the next time she appears, since she’s too damn lazy to move mid-nap.

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I didn’t mean for it to be this long but… well.. it’s a long one. What do you think about Harry? I’ve never really played in Bridgeport, so I don’t even remember seeing him! And I’ll admit, I’m in love.

Until next time!