Generation 5! We’re finally at the halfway point! It’s only taken me…
Jesus Christ. Well guys, in three more years we might will be done!
Let’s start out this chapter with a vaguely familiar family member. And a totally new setting. That’s right, since it’s a new generation, and my game was starting to slow down and Zack the dummy couldn’t complete his LTW, the Lemons now reside in… BRIDGEPORT!
That’s right friends! With a new town comes a new house! If it looks bad, lie to me because I am very sensitive.
It does look super cool while looking down onto the city. It’s like a sims 4 town except you can actually go visit the cool skyline!
Sorry, I forgot we’re not supposed to talk shit about the shitty game.
If you didn’t notice already, there are a bunch of tag-along’s on the lot. Pixie bitch is moving out, but since Dirk is so close to death I decided to let him stick around until he kicks the bucket.
Willow: You mean… kick the dipper?
I absolutely did not mean that.
Sarah: Look, it’s Peach! I always loved that girl.
Willow: Get with the program mom, Natasha is Zack’s new wife.
Natasha: And boy do I love Zack’s money! Wait did I say that? I meant I love Zack AND his money!
And this little turd is Zack’s surprise baby, Maximus! He is SO ADORABLE AND I LOVE HIM.
Now for a house tour! Yes, I know it is no longer Halloween. But I took these pictures last week and thought my some miracle that I could get all of these chapter’s out in like, 5 days.
As you can see, I was wrong.
Sarah’s room.
Downstairs bathroom.
Willow’s room, which doesn’t match the rest of the house by a long shot. But we had the hover bed and the teleportation pad and I was feeling inspired.
Master bath.
Upstairs hallway.
And that’s it! The other rooms upstairs aren’t really fixed up since I’m hoping Zack will complete his LTW and get the heck out of here and Dirk is 10 days late to dying.
Willow: You’re missing something.
Oh dangit. This is Waylon’s room.
And the family graveyard. I was tired of the ghosts spawning in the living room and making everyone stop what they were doing to freak out. So I kicked them out of the house!
I realize looking at these pictures that the back of the house is really bare. This is what the blueprint looked like! Needs more windows.
NOW we’re done! Zack can finally fulfill all of those wishes he had for Max when they were estranged!
Zack: I love you so much son! Don’t worry, your mother will never bother us again!
Max: Mama?
… He’ll get over it.
Sarah: I thought if the screen was bigger, the resolution would get BETTER not worse.
Maybe you should back up before your eyeballs fall out of your head.
And the family continued to break the new house in by doing the most boring things ever, like homework, and trying to buy things they already own.
Dirk: This invention is just so wonderful!
If you guys remember, Willow’s LTW is Celebrity Psychic, so I built her this lot.
Willow: You swear people are going to give me their money if I pretend to know if their spouse is cheating on them?
I swear on my life and your save file.
Now let’s take a tour of the little gypsy wagon I installed to spruce up the place.
Okay, end of tour! Cute though, right?
Willow: Mom is going to be so proud of me!
Why?
Willow: I just became a criminal! I can’t wait to tell her all of the false stories I’m going to come up with!
Willow: Why did the new house turn you yellow?
Zack: Excuse you, this is my celebrity TAN.
Natasha: Your brain isn’t good!
Dirk: Bitch what?
Waylon: You do realize he’s a SURGEON right?
Natasha: A surgeon? More like a dork-geon!
Dirk: Now that’s just silly.
Natasha: Get out of my sight!
Waylon: Why is this happening?
Waylon: Someone has a crush they don’t know how to deal with.
Natasha: Do NOT.
Sarah: Hello grandson! Don’t worry about whose at the door, they’ll go away soon.
Max: Will you take me to mama?
Sarah: YOUR MOTHER IS NEVER COMING BACK!
Paparazzi: I’m going to make so much money off of these pics.
You evil woman. You just met this kid, and you’re going to steal his candy?
Sarah: Watch out, here comes grandma the candy thief!
Max: Not again!
Sarah: Just kidding.
And then they became best friends. No seriously.
Willow: I saw you on the computer talking to that girl. Lisa was her name?
Waylon: Will you stop spying on me?
Willow: You were using my computer.
Waylon: Whatever.
Willow: Urgh, teenagers.
Then Waylon ran outside to wash away his anger in the hot tub. If only I had a hot tub. *dreams of life when I finish uni and hopefully have money*
The view from this house is way cooler than last generation’s view of the billboard.
Dirk: She’s hogging the rocking chair!
Natasha: Get over it old man! Go die!
Wtf is wrong with you??
Zack teleport’s into town because I’m sick and tired of working on his LTW and want him outta here.
Zack: I’m going to be so famous.
As soon as he gets upstairs I send him back down because there was no one at the bar.
Plan B is get out our creepy LTR that tracks down celebrity’s! And BAM! Willow and Zack are on their way to the most bopping place in town.
Willow: My fingers smell funny.
Zack: Why is she here again?
Well, I was expecting you guys to go to a bar and I was hoping she would meet some potential suitors. Then you ended up here.
Because the biggest celebrity in town likes to spend his Sunday nights in the bathroom of the park!
Zack: Hi famous man! My dad was a famous director in another town, so we should be friends.
Matthew: Famous? But you haven’t had any work done.
Zack: But my skin is orange!
Matthew: …
Zack: And I’m rich!
Matthew: Oh!
Matthew: Me too!
They’ll be quick friends.
Willow: Mom, will you send a cab to come get me?
Sarah: No, stop calling me.
Willow: HAH! Okay, great.
Willow: Guess I’ll just play this mindless mobile game until I pass out.
Very accurate to real life.
Matthew: You’re funny kid. All you need is a few fillers in your cheeks and a nose job, and you’ll be famous in no time!
Zack: Great! I might just take a nap here.
NO! YOU WILL BE FRIENDS IF ITS THE LAST THING YOU DO.
Willow: All alone.. there’s no one here beside meeeeeeee
Willow: BUT ‘CHA GOTTA HAVE FRIENDSSSSS
Zack: How are your teeth so white?
Matthew: You don’t know about the little trick of drinking newborn calf piss?
Zack: No! Please, tell me all about it!
HOLD THAT THOUGHT
YES!
Zack: Can I go home now!
Willow: This sculpture really captures the fleeting feeling of humanity-
Get in the car kids, it’s time to go home.
Willow: Home? What is a home? This park bench is my home now.
One last thing before we finish here, Natasha is pregnant! Hopefully that’s the reason she’s been such an ass since the move.
Generation 5 Chapter 1 in the books! Thanks to everyone who reads these, comments, and just generally supports the blog. I have so much fun doing this, and it only adds to the fun to think people actually enjoying it.
Life's Lemons 
I like the house! The back did need more windows but it is nicely decorated.
I think Willow might be cool after all. I can’t wait to see who her spouse is!
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