Welcome back to the Lemons legacy, where we will waste no time jumping in.
Literally.
Alonso: What do you mean?
You’re floating.
Alonso: My butt feels hot.
Alonso: Why are you looking at me like that? Do I have something in my teeth?
Alonso: Oh my god, I’m DEAD? Already?
Grim: Another day, another Lemon. When is this family going to die out?
Grim: And there’s more of them.
Melisa: Whose this weirdo?
Diago: Honey, that’s the master of death.
Alonso: I done went and bit the dust.
Diago: My bachelor party is tonight, can’t you come back later?
Grim: Sorry kid, death waits for no man.
Sheila: What about a dog! You can’t take my human!
Diego: If you can talk, why couldn’t I teach you to shake? *Sobs uncontrollably*
Alonso: Well, you heard the pooch. Guess I’m staying.
Grim: I – *sigh* Fine.
Melisa: It’s that easy?
Diago: Anticlimactic, I’ll see you guys later.
Alonso: You did it, Sheila! You saved me!
Sheila: Now let’s go play fetch.
Melisa: This house gives me a migraine. I’m going back to my novel, please don’t interrupt me again with a fake death.
Alonso: My life flashed before my eyes.
Alonso: And it was SICK! I’ve really lived!
Glad you’re fulfilled.
Rhyan: Honey, I’m home.
Alonso: Sheila just saved my life!
Rhyan: Great, anyways, I’m going upstairs to relax. I’m locking the door so…
Alonso: So…
Rhyan: You’re not invited.
Alonso: We don’t need her, do we Sheila? We have each other!
Sheila: Fetch. NOW!
Alonso: Okay, fetch.
Later that night, it’s bachelor party time! Nice getup.
Diago: It came in a set from Amazon prime called ‘sexy bachelor Halloween’
Extremely fitting.
Guest: Is there any food at this party?
Diago: If there is, I didn’t buy it!
Diago: Dad!
Alonso: I’m here to celebrate you finding the love of your life!
Alonso: So I bought you some sexy dancers!
Yes, the best way to celebrate upcoming nuptials. Strippers.
Diago: This is AWESOME!
Looks like she ordered her outfit from Amazon prime too.
Diago: Watch her go.
The gyrating was 10/10.
For everyone at the party.
Angel, Remy’s widow, was invited.
Diago: Hey uncle, you ready to party tonight?
Angel: Oh boy, I’m not too sure about that-
Imagine how sticky his jacket is now. What a great way to start a party.
Diago: So my dad died today-
Angel: What?
Diago: Don’t worry, our dog brought him back to life. Long story short, he is feeling pretty under the weather and tried to distract from the fact he left early by bringing strippers. It almost worked. All that to say, do you mind giving a speech in his behalf?
Angel: Listen up everyone, we are about to go all bigfoot in this place, but first we have to talk about Diago.
Random guest: Is there food?
Diago: THERE’S NO FOOD.
Angel: Diago comes from a long line of sour fruits, each one of them further from lemonade then the last.
Diago: Don’t forget that time I fought a mummy!
Angel: One time, he fought a mummy! It had him around the neck like this-
Diago: Yea, just like that!
Angel: Then the mummy bit him, he almost died but right at the end of the line he broke the curse! Anyways, let’s get hammered!
Diago: That was AWESOME!
Angel: Where’s the bathroom?
Diago: No food, no bathroom, now everyone STOP ASKING!
Angel: No bathroom?
Diago: You’re going to have to sew your seed in the back, bucko. Hey! Don’t splash that on me just because I’m a terrible party planner!
Everyone is starving, there’s no bathroom, and even the strippers were looking longingly out the window, longing to be free of this shite party.
And yet on the party went.
And there were 3 outfit changes. Almost as many as Jlo’s recent wedding to Ben Affleck. And just as fetching.
Diago: I knew I should have booked the bar with the beds in the back room.
Angel: REMY! WHY!!!!
The alcohol is getting to everyone. I think it’s time to pack up.
Diago: I’m not going home until they kick me out!
Bartender: Get out!
Angel: Boo, that party sucked!
Random guest who I think is a family member: Hey! That party was sick!
Diago: Heh, YOUR MOM! Wow, that was good. Gotta remember that one for twitter.
And so ends the party of a lifetime. Next on the Lemons: A death? A wedding? We adopt another dog? Stick around and find out!
Life's Lemons 