Last chapter: Diago almost died in China (what else is new) then returned home to almost die in a house fire.
Diago: That’s just the way my life on this planet has always been. Living each day like it’s my last.
That house fire really put you in existential crisis mode huh?
Diago: Aren’t you forgetting you let me get cursed by a Chinese mummy?
Ah see, if you dig deep enough you can find the root trauma of any reaction!
Diago: Wait a second, what’s that?
Diago: What a strange little creature.
A turtle?
Diago: A TURTLE. He is so cute. He will be mine. My little adventuring buddy.
Please don’t bring a poor, defenseless animal into your shenanigans.
Diago: He’s not defenseless, he has a shell! Tough as nails-
Diago: Where did he go?
Diago: He disappeared!
He was looking out for his own best interests.
Diago: This is giving me an intense feeling of deja vu.
Hah, not me. It feels like (possibly it has been) years since I sent you here as a teenager.
Diago: And then a mummy came out and attacked me! He smelled like garlic, it was so disgusting. I almost puked on his wrappings. Anyways, you know anyone that can help me get rid of this curse?
Merchant: …
But it seems someone must have pointed him in the right direction because he ended up at this poor fellows house.
Diago: I hate to be the one to tell you this buddy but I think you’re decapitated.
Diago: And just like that you’re one of the most handsome men I’ve ever met! I just love how that happens.
Diago: So that guy apparently asked his grandma who said her second cousin was once cursed by a mummy and the Sphinx is apparently able to help!
So this cousin had his curse removed in the Sphinx?
Diago: No, he died! But it’s supposed to work.
Diago: I just sit here and hope the Sphinx takes pity on me.
Looks like it worked.
Honestly if I was the Sphinx I would feel bad for any sim from this family as well.
This looks like the type of ritual you’re supposed to do in the dark.
Does this mean the Sphinx is taking pity on me too?
Diago: He should pity you the most.
I’m pretty sure this is how that other guy died.
Diago: Wontcha look at that! The door opened just for me.
Diago: Why’s the ceiling black like that?
Glitched textures.
Diago: Sounds cool. Wish me luck!
AHAHAHAHA
Oh my god. When you show up for a blessing but end up, somehow, even MORE cursed.
It’s horrifying. I can see your nipples through your shirt.
Diago: Almost everyone has nipples, get over it.
CLEANSE IT WITH FIRE.
IT WORKED!
Diago: I’m stuck, help me.
Jfc. You wouldn’t make it 2 seconds without me. JUST SWIM YOU IDIOT.
This stupid, overpriced tent is absolutely useless because it’s too tall to fit into any tombs. There was no way I was spending all of those coins for nothing so I just cheated it into the room.
Diago: I’m just going to say it, this is way cooler than anything in freaking France.
Diago: Do you think I can get double cursed?
You’re already double cursed. Try triple cursed. My game was literally dying while I was trying to finish Diago’s LTW. It all started when we got to Egypt. The game wouldn’t save no matter what I did. It had been so long since I had any problems that I was FREAKING OUT. Luckily I was able to fix my game and salvage the save… well, for a while. You guys will see in a few chapters… LOL.
Diago: It’s a well filled with my favorite color! You know what I’ve gotta do.
There’s no point in trying to stop you.
Diago: Last one in is a turd potato!
Who wears converse to go tomb raiding?
Diago: You know what this reminds me of?
What?
Diago: The time I got cursed by a mummy in China because you don’t know how to read directions. Except this time instead of making it hard for you they literally lit up the room with the color you are supposed to follow.
Diago: You tried to hide, but the puddle led me directly to you! HAHAHA! You’ll never escape me!
Diago: Just as I suspected.
A bathroom?
Diago: I wonder if the running water still works.
Still works? I’m pretty sure Ancient Egyptians didn’t have running water.
Diago: Jokes on you. The truth is you know nothing about history.
Diago: For science purposes, I must test it myself.
Diago: Yep, perfect temperature.
It’s always been said that the Ancient Egyptians mastered the water heater.
Diago: I hadn’t thought these statues were creepy until just now. They’re kinda staring into my soul.
Hey pal, you passed the blessing room.
Diago: I’m not leaving this place until I rob it for everything it’s worth.
Diago: Just like this. Okay, now I’ll go and get my anti-curse. Or blessing or whatever.
More sitting on the floor and humming? Is this the only way sims know how to be spiritual?
Diago: All you do is complain but it totally works.
The Sphinx is an actual idiot if it removes your curse after you stole all of the valuables from its sanctuary.
Diago: Well I guess he’s stupid because I’m feeling as fit as a fiddle.
Diago: Cheers to dumb otherworldly forces, amiright?
-_-
And then Diago died in a fire. Since he’s the only child of our heiress, I guess that’s the end of the legacy. Sorry guys, thanks for reading since 2016! Here’s to the next one!
Fine, I lied. He’s alive and well.
Rhyan: Looks a little dead behind the eyes if you ask me.
Great, and he created another annoying thing to clutter up the household inventory.
Finally we can get back to what really matters.
Sheila. It’s Sheila that matters.
But even the small joys in life are short lived, and I’m pulled away from my sweet animated dog to see this bullshit happening in the front lawn.
And of course these assholes were out to watch the live show.
Rhyan: Why would you hang lights in the trees before Halloween? Is this really what we’ve stooped to as a society, Christmas before Halloween-
Rhyan: God damnit, seriously?
Rhyan: Can’t you bastards just leave me alone?
Aliens: We’re the spark, Rhyan. Accept your fate.
Rhyan: You’re not the freaking spark! The house fire was the spark you dimwits. Stop spying on us!
Rhyan: ARGHH!
*A few hours later*
Alien: Until next time, Rhyan Lemons.
Rhyan: You didn’t see anything.
Sure, nothing at all.
DIAGO SERIOUSLY. GET OUT OF THE SARCOPHAGUS. IT CAN LITERALLY TURN YOU INTO A MUMMY WHEN YOU SLEEP IN IT.
Diago: How was I supposed to know that?
I can’t even focus on one idiot because the other idiot is doing something even worse.
And this is the end of a shit fest of a chapter. It was actually a lot of fun to write, not so much to play. This save file was doomed from the start and it’s no one’s fault but mine. Why I thought it would be a good idea to send them to university and all three world adventures towns is beyond me. Anyways, all is well now! Thanks for reading!
Life's Lemons 