Hey guys! Last chapter we did nothing of importance except waste time and have fun.
This chapter is different. It was almost all work and no fun!
Diago: How exciting.
Yes, it is.
Diago: Wowza, what a looker.
Well that’s a new one from you. Since when were you attracted to old guys?
Diago: Since I met this angel on earth.
Try not to hit any locals with your over-sized car.
Diago: I’m making no promises. Have you seen their stupid bicycles?
This is the man you called an angel on earth.
Diago: All I’m saying is he is making me question my sexuality and no one has ever done that before.
A feat only an elderly Chinese man can achieve.
Anyways, the angel on earth send Diago on his starter mission.
Diago: This is deja-vu.
Yep. Too much of a good thing is boring so we’re going to skip this. Diago cleared it with much less difficulty then the stupid French mission that took me literally 2 hours.
Green Guy: What a beautiful man.
Old Geezer: Yes, I work out.
Diago: An absolute specimen.
Diago: Wow, a flower! I should find 10 more of these!
Sure, forget your lifetime wish! You are now a flower collector!
Just kidding. Back to work with you, stupid.
Abi: Ew, BRAVE? What a disgusting quality.
Diago: Abi? What a stupid name.
HEY! Watch it!
Diago: Can you MOVE?
Lady: You first.
Being a tourist is so much fun.
Diago: I’m not a tourist, I’m an adventurer!
Once again exploring forgotten basements and finding weird graveyards full of ghostly relatives.
Diago: Thanks for inviting me to dinner after I found your great-great grandma’s remains.
Man: No one invited you. After you came out of the basement starving and close to death we felt as if we had no choice but to give you some salad. We would rather not have to answer questions at the embassy on why a tourist was found dead in our home.
Diago: TOURIST? As an adventurer, I find that offensive!
Robber, adventurer. Whose asking anyways?
Diago: Big axe? Gimme.
Diago: Big electric axe?
Diago: Actually it’s kinda scary.
Diago: Just kidding I am big and tough and not scared of anything. Except my mother.
Diago: ROCK-
Diago: SMASH!
Diago: I’m passing onto the next stage of life. Tell my family I love them.
Diago: Just kidding, don’t tell them shit.
Diago: I thought those water spouts would put out the fire. Huh. Guess I was wrong?
And because of that Diago was stuck in China until he starved to death.
Our new Gen 7 heir is Sheila Lemons.
Alonso: Good girl!
Just kidding. It was glitched so I had to teleport Diago out. One more visit and he will finish all 6 tombs in China. Now we have 3 more left in France (and god strike me down now if they’re as hard as the last one) and 5 in Egypt.
Oh, and the kiddos are graduating high school today!
Rhyan: Didn’t you already graduate university?
Diago: Not sure mom, my life is a blur.
I didn’t even write down what they won because… wtf game? It’s been in-game years since they finished high school. They even moved towns. At what point does town hall finally throw away your diploma?
Get the ball, girl!
Let’s be honest, Sheila is the only reason I stuck to this legacy.
Where are you?
Melisa: Wouldn’t you like to know.
What are you doing with your hands?
Melisa: It’s a mystery…
The real mystery is how NPCs spawn in the most wretched outfits.
You’re welcome for the glow-up.
What’s going on back there with the maid?
Maid: Bees…
Maid: BEES!! AHHH!!!
Maid: AHHHH!!
And that was the last time she was ever seen.
Gnomes: HEHEHEHE!
And the spawns of Satan come out to laugh at her misery.
A beautiful view, but I fail to see the giraffe.
Alonso: You also fail to have any sort of imagination.
Melisa: Come on Dumbo! Use your big ears to-
Melisa: FLY AWAY!
Rhyan: Could that dumb machine be any louder?
Rhyan: And what’s up with the vomit, don’t we hire someone to deal with that?
She might or might not have quit… or possibly she was eaten by rabid bees.
The family got invited over to Remy’s house for a party.
And of course Mindy was there.
Remy: Who would miss out on this perfect set up?
Mindy: So, the music was pretty good at that party you had last week.
Melisa: Yea.. the whole party was pretty good until you started hitting on my boyfriend’s dad.
She didn’t stick around after that.
Melisa: OMG! Hello cute kitty.
Kitty: *HISS*
Melisa: Damn. I hope this isn’t a sign of things to come.
Rhyan: ARGH!
Alonso: What is it sweetie?
Rhyan: The Chainsmokers AGAIN! That damn band makes my back sore.
Lealani: -_-
Melisa decided to spend some time outside with her soon-to-be in-law. They we’re actually already friends before she and Diago moved in together.
Trinity: Hey cuz. What’s Melisa doing outside with uncle Alaric?
Diago: Uncle Alaric? What’s she doing?
Trinity: Dancing. Kinda weird.
Diago: …
Trinity: But not as weird as this freak sleeping on my parent’s living room floor.
Nandini: God you’re the most annoying little twerp I’ve ever had to deal with.
When I said Mindy left… I was wrong. She was still around.
Mindy: I just hate that outfit. Can’t you wear something more acceptable for a grown man?
Diago: What would you prefer I wear?
Mindy: Something you can get a real job with.
*GASP*
Mindy: Something like that fine gentlemen over there.
Diago: My girlfriend is outside dancing with my uncle and her mother is nitpicking my outfit and nagging me about getting a real job. Great.
There was only one way to make Diago feel better.
And I guess Mindy got what she wanted as well.
You might think this is petty. I would agree.
Rhyan was also in bed with her sister’s husband.
Rhyan: Twin sister. We share everything.
You’ve never shared a thing your entire life.
Trinity: God I was hoping she would be gone by the time I got back.
Christine looks like she’s thinking the same thing.
Christine is also the prettiest Gen 7 sim, sadly born to a spare.
Christine: Who invited that bore.
What do you guys have against your cousin?
Enough cousin drama, let’s get back to the kiddos.
Diago: You didn’t break a heel while you were out there dancing the night away?
Melisa: Are you seriously upset I danced with you elderly uncle? Grow up.
Diago: No you.
Melisa: Let’s just kiss and get over it.
Diago: Ew no!
Diago: Who knows where those lips have been.
Melisa: You could see me the entire time through the window. I was watching you dance with that total stranger and I didn’t say anything. What’s the big deal?
Diago: Maybe you’re right. Kiss and make up?
Melisa: No.
Melisa: You’ve turned me way off. Try again tomorrow.
Melisa: I’m going home.
Diago: I know how to fix this.
Diago: BABE! We are the llamas, and you know we can’t be beat.
Melisa: Oh my god. Not this… I can’t stop!
Diago: Cuz we’ve got the power, to knock you off your feet.
Melisa and Diago: LLAMAS!
Melisa and Diago: LLAMAS!
Melisa: You’re still to early with the jump, dummy!
Diago: Finish strong!
Melisa and Diago: GOOOO LLAMAS!
Diago: Feeling more up to a smooch?
Melisa: You know I can’t resist the University gods.
Just in case you were curious, none of that was me. This was all autonomous arguing and kissing and school cheering. This game is something else.
Life's Lemons 