You guys remember how I ended the last chapter by saying that they would be back home at the beginning of this one? Yea, I lied. Sorry about that.
Diago: Partayyy baby! Time to get lit!
Melisa: Lit, hah, like the fire. Funny.
Diago: NO! Like high af! I’m throwing some of my favorite plants into this bish.
Diago: We didn’t invite anyone with asthma did we?
Balding Guy: Hey Diago, thanks for inviting me-
Diago: Did you bring the pop?
Balding Guy: What?
Diago: The pop. The reason I invited you?
Balding Guy: Oh… yea. It’s in my car.
Diago: Cool. Go get it.
Braid Chick: This party sucks!
Diago: This party sucks? *throws test tube into fire* How about now? Huh? Blue fire? Pretty cool right?
Braid Chick: Yea… totally.
Ashley: God, it stinks. Did some idiot throw cinnamon into the fire?
Diago: …
Everyone at this party stinks to the high heavens.
Old Man: Too.. much… pop…
Melisa: Over in the bushes, buddy.
Melisa: Right out the ear. You hate to see it.
Diago: This is the last time you’ll get an invite.
Alright kiddos, first semester at university is over!
Diago: A failure… a terrible failure.
Melisa: Don’t even try to socialize with him. He’s heartbroken about the terrible party.
Good news! You can throw another one!
Melisa: We’re already back at this hell hole?
It’s a new and improved hell hole! I downloaded a new dorm for you guys to inhabit for your last weeks of Uni.
I thought Melisa was making a friend but quickly realized she just wanted some new competition in ping pong.
Not because you’re bad at ping pong. Melisa is just a lot better.
Diago: I’m trying to science right now and I don’t need your negativity in the room.
Melisa: Thanks, I’m so glad to be here.
…
Melisa: I’m practicing!
Diago! What the heck are you doing?
Diago: I was just innocently building a snowman and this naked woman ran past me!
That excuse is only believable in this game.
Melisa: So tired… might just sleep right here.
Melisa: AH!
How do you trip while intentionally falling down?
Melisa: It was a soft landing.
Melisa: Look babe!
Diago: What?
Melisa: Mistletoe!
Melisa: It means you,
Melisa: Kiss me.
Diago: That isn’t what it really means, is it?
Melisa: I swear! Lay one here.
Everyone’s favorite, the eye-open kiss.
How romantic.
This chapter was supposed to come out before Christmas… It’s now February. Whoopsie!
Another night, another shitty party at the sorority house.
Diago: Prepare your eyes.
For what?
Diago: His majesties-
Diago: Ginormous schlong.
Diago: TEHEHEHE!
And now we see why they always invite Diago. You damn lightweight.
When he gets home at night he is known to continue the party… Alone.. in the basement.
This is bravery, ladies and gentlemen.
Melisa: AH! This is so not worth it.
Melisa: Why would I do this for fun?
Diago: Come on babe! For me!
Melisa: You want me to break both of my ankles, ‘for you’?
Melisa: You’ve got to be kidding me.
Now you have to get out there.
Melisa: I’m noping out. Have fun playing on a death trap.
Melisa: Bed time again.
Melisa: By myself.
Melisa: Where’s my boyfriend, you might ask? Probably running around naked with a bunch of sorority girls.
That’s a negative, my lady. He was actually just dancing by himself in the basement.
Diago: Nina, are you seriously propositioning me?
Diago: You better hope this doesn’t get back to your BEST FRIEND my GIRLFRIEND.
And to think I was going to let Nina move into the legacy house. CANCELLED.
Diago: I read your latest book.
Melisa: Teenage Drama King? How did you like it?
Diago: Well I probably would have loved it if it wasn’t about me and how bad of a boyfriend I am.
Melisa: Whaaat? It’s a fiction! It’s not based off of anyone.
Diago: Really? Mango, the “teenage drama king” who has a drinking problem and rich parents isn’t based off of me?
Melisa: Eh, okay. Maybe loosely related.
Melisa: It’s just a book. Plus, Mango was super hot, athletic, and charming.
Diago: He was also annoying and a little stupid.
Melisa: Not book stupid. Just people stupid.
Melisa: Everyone has their faults cutie.
Diago: Not everyone. I happen to know the most perfect person in the world.
*2 hours later*
Diago: Broken or empty?
Diago: What am I supposed to do since mom isn’t here to fix it?
Welcome to adulthood.
Diago went to class and…
The keg is definitely not broken.
Is that real juice or get juiced juice?
Diago: This is plain old apple juice. It’s time to hit the gym and kick my habit.
Diago: Hey bud, I know we haven’t really talked much, but if you ever want a boost at the gym, I can totally help you out!
Leonard: Uh, no thanks.
Leonard: I don’t really… emh, like you?
Diago: What the hell does that mean?
Leonard: You’re kind of a block head.
Diago: WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP SAYING THAT. I will have you know that I’ve only ever made A+ my entire school career.
Leonard: Sure sweetie.
Diago: You stupid flower pot!
Melisa: You tell him!
Leonard: Flower pot? Uh, okay?
Melisa: Wanna go to the arcade?
Diago: Do I ever.
Diago: No! Seriously? You know I’m having a shitty day, you can’t even give me a win?
Melisa: Nothing in life comes free, darling!
I’m going to end it here. Next time we join the kids, they’ll be finishing university. I think. Audios!
Life's Lemons 