5.10 It’s Genetic Dysfunction

I don’t want to speak too soon,  but my plan of having this generation finished before March seems to be coming true.

Willow: Are you sure about that?

Willow: I see… failure in your future.

Shut up. Why are you purple?

I’m only going to ask you once, where are you and how did you get there?

Elise: All questions I don’t know the answer to.

Oh my God, you are the Hemlocks! Why do you kids want to hang out at the evil vampire lair?? No one is even home!

Elise: Perfect, the trap has been set!

Please get out of that house now.

Willow: Ghosts ghosts and ghastly things. TEHE.

Alannis: Listen, I just need you to sign a school forum for me.

Willow: Rock paper scissors for it?

Alannis: I’ll win.

Alannis: HAH! Get garbaged mom.

Willow: What does that even mean?

Willow: You damn kids. Ever since having you I’ve just been unlucky.

That’s such a joke. You rolled unlucky when you were a teen, you asshole. Blame someone else. Like your father. It was probably his fault.

Harry: You do realize I called you over to play chess right?

Woman: Well what the hell am I supposed to do with this burrito baby?

Harry: IDK???

Woman: Damn you child, you’re trying to ruin my life.

Woman: They have so many kids they probably wont even realize you’re here. My mission is accomplished.

NOPE. NO NOT HAPPENING.

Elise: I have a hot date at the grocery store.

Let me guess, you’re going to wear your prom dress.

Elise: What else?

Elise’s date… has somehow already had too much plastic surgery at the age of 16.

Burton: I’m already signed for the next season of “Botched”

With a haircut and some new eyebrows, he ain’t so bad.

Burton: You just ruined my brand!

He’s also definitely a schizo. Which is perfect for our princess of madness.

Waylon: OH HELLO NIECE. Crazy meeting you here!

Burton: Is that actually your uncle?

Elise: Unless I’ve been lied to my whole life.

Every time I look at you, I’m regretful that you didn’t win the heir poll.

Waylon: Are you speaking ill of your heiress? BLASPHEMY!

Elise: Tickle tickle!

Burton: Please stop.

Old Lady: Oh honey, that ain’t no way to get a man.

Elise: THE MOON LANDING WAS FAKE! NASA IS A LIE!

Burton: Why are you yelling at me?

Waylon: I can’t watch.

Elise: You can fight me! I know things you could never think up in your wildest dreams!

Burton: Chill! I don’t want to fight you! Fine, the moon landing was fake!

Wait… what??

It’s because she’s cute, isn’t it?

Lesson learned, folks. Forget brains, charm, or just general normal human things. As long as your cute, you can get away with anything.

Meanwhile, the legacy house is finally going to be clear of toddlers!

Rhyan: I smell FIRE!

Harry: I have a bad feeling about this.

Rhyan: CAKE!

Where’s the other twin, you might ask?

Remy: Oh, nowhere really. Just abandoned in the bathroom.

Remy: It’s fine.

Remy: This is all fine.

Harry: Oh I SAW THIS COMING!

REMY YOU IDIOT! You were safe in the bathroom, why come running into the flaming kitchen??

Remy: I go where the fun goes.

Willow: Oh shit.

NOT AGAIN. THIS IS NOT HAPPENING AGAIN.

Exactly how many damn times can one be set on fire from a birthday cake before Satan just appears and names you Queen of the damn Underworld.

Willow: Hopefully twice!

Willow: ARE YOU GOING TO HELP ME OR WHAT?

Harry: I hope you’re getting pictures of this, because it’s one for the books.

Willow: If I get out of this alive, we’re getting a divorce!

Harry: NO! Honey, I’m a stay-at-home father remember?

YOU KIDS ARE DUMB AS HELL.

Firefighter: Excuse me tiny child, please evacuate your flaming ass from the premise so I can deal with the real problem at hand.

Remy: HOW CAN A FIREFIGHTER BE SO USELESS!

Willow: Don’t worry family, I am alive!

HEY KIDS! DON’T GO BACK INTO THE BURNING HOUSE. JUST STAY OUTSIDE-

GOD DAMNIT HARRY.

Harry: FIRE!

Rhyan: OMG WHERE!

Willow: MY HOUSE PLANTS!

Firefighter #1: Gawd, this sucks.

Firefighter #2: Right? It just wont go out!

Elise: Wow guys, what did I miss?

Well that was a disaster. Great. No more inside birthdays. Even in the winter, we’re going outside. I don’t care if you all freeze to death.

Rhyan rolled hot-headed. That’s it. You’re trolling me.

And Remy rolled Loves the Outdoors.

Remy: I think I’m just going to hang out outside from now on.

How to scar a child: almost burn the house down on her birthday.

Firefighters: We saved the day!

Harry: Our family is in ruins!

Willow: What an evil, evil day it has been.

And now that all of that drama is over, here is the twin’s bedroom! Thank God I was finally able to get rid of those cribs.

Elise: We’re at the park again??

What did I JUST say? No more indoor birthday’s. You idiots have tried to kill yourselves for far too long.

Alaric: Hey uncle Zack! I thought you were dead!

Zack: If only, kid.

Alaric: You should have came to Remy and Rhyan’s birthday last night! The whole kitchen was on fire!

Zack: Your mother has a knack of doing that.

Willow: Sweet childhood memories.

 

Willow: Yes sir, I see cake in your future. Yes… there it is.

Max: You are such a crack pot.

Willow: Opinions, opinions.

Okay kids, let’s get this show on the road.

Kiss these cute child faces goodbye.

Alaric: Wait, where’s our crowd going?

Alaric: Yep, that’s fine. Your only son will just grow up without your attention.

Waylon: Someone help this woman!

Max: You’re the doctor, you idiot!

Oh Waylon, you can’t escape the Lemon gene. Which is brain dysfunction.

Alaric: Curse you all.

Alaric: Seriously! Stupid woman and your stupid child.

 

Uh, in better news, Alaric is a LOOKER! He rolled Kleptomaniac as his teen trait. I can’t even blame him. His family is full of terrible role models.

Alaric: OH, so you’ll come back for Alannis! I see how it is.

Sometimes the genetic dysfunction shows itself in new forms.

Alannis: I’m too good for this family.

So good that I didn’t even write down her new  trait. Ooopsie.

Natasha: I wish I would die already.

Lisa: Stop breathing on me.

Alannis: As you can see, our family is extremely close.

Cue: Elise is an idiot montage.

Elise: OMG!

Elise: YAY!

Elise: OH NO!

I can’t tell if you’re just really that dumb or if you were stuck and I just didn’t care enough to fix you.

Elise: Prom you say? Sure, I’m interested.

I guess her night ended well anyways. You guys better be proud of me, I just wrote THREE chapters in one night. I haven’t done this in literally years! These are all of the screenshots I have stored, so it’s back to the game for me (FINALLY)